Once again, the culture vultures are circling around a likely target. Courtesy of Victoria Secret's now-annual, televised parade of flesh in garters, the FCC got swamped with so many complaints that - so we are told - their network crashed. (Boo-frickety-hoo on that one)

But this great deluge of anger at the program has reaped bitter fruit. The unfortunately-named Commissioner Copps of the FCC has not only denounced the show and said that it should be investigated, but he has declared that perhaps we need a new definition of "Indecency."

"Too many indecency complaints from consumers and too many truly indecent broadcasts are falling through the cracks," he has complained, going on to say that we should also tackle the "wanton violence" that plays across the airwaves as well.

"You can't tell me this is what the pioneers of the great broadcast industry had in mind when they brought radio and TV to us. I surely hope my colleagues will join me in addressing this problem."

Hold up there, Mr. Policeman. Let's ask just what is the real problem, here.

Is it really a "problem" for the FCC if a number of adults don't want to watch something, and don't think that anyone else should, either?

Not in my book, it isn't. If you don't want to watch it, don't watch it. But don't presume to tell me what not to watch. That's none of your concern.

And is it a "problem" worth investigation if concerns for your own children's virgin eyes has been transplanted - Tipper Gore style - to also cover the eyes of other folks' children as well?

Again, no. You mind your kids, I'll mind mine. And I'll thank you to mind your own damn business about how I do it.

But that last one - children - is always the big sticky point, isn't it? What about the children? Who's minding the children? Who's watching the children? More to the point, who's watching what the children ARE watching?

The ideal word here would be "parents." But are they? And if they aren't, then whose fault is that?

Again, the ideal word here is "parents." And whose responsibility is it to change that state of affairs? The government's, or those parents'?

I think the real problem we face is not the existence of the kind of programming that sends the easily-shocked off to the phones to complain. It is rather that certain sectors of the American public are not exercising their personal responsibility, and are unwilling to even have to. They can't police themselves, and they can't police their kids, so they want Big Brother to stomp into their living room to save Daddy, Mommy, Johnny and Jane from - gasp! - South Park.

I hold that the Federal Government has no reason to be involved in this sort of morality regulation. It's enough for the FCC to make certain that the airwaves aren't being fought over, and are not being used for illegal purposes. When it comes to questions of decency, indecency and the like, those matters are best left to individuals to decide for themselves.

But the crowning glory in the absurdity of this is how unnecessary it is to be having this conversation in the first place. Didn't we get V-chips rammed down our throats, courtesy of Bill Clinton's smoking pen? Is there not, at this very moment, a little doo-dad on your TV that can block this kind of thing from being seen in your house?

If you bought a TV after the cut-off date, there's a good chance that the answer is yes. If so, does common sense not dictate that the only reason that such a show would be seen in your house - against your wishes for clean, family programming - is because you were either too lazy to turn the thing on, too stupid to know how to work it, or too poorly-informed about all the neat features that came with your TV to know that it was there in the first place?

Hold your head, America, and let me hear you say "duh."

I fail to be convinced that the FCC should be there to protect us from our own laziness, stupidity or inability to read the directions past the part where you plug the TV into the wall. And if our new, Republican-dominated government seriously seeks to eliminate government bureaucracy, maybe they can start by flushing the morals police department of the FCC down the crapper.

Unfortunately, I have the distinct feeling that obeying the blue-nose wing of their constituency will take precedence over freedom and common sense in this case - as it often does in others - and we may be seeing yet another hurdle placed on our freedoms in the name of saving the children.

Now, how do we change the channel on this horror movie...?

Let me hear you make decisions - Without your television - Let me hear you speaking - Just for me

Stripped - Depeche Mode